Posts Tagged ‘language’

absolutely mindless facts

31 May 2009

A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before  it starves to death.

A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All Polar bears are left-handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one  olive from each salad served in first-class.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every  day.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until  the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an  hour.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

China has more English speakers than the United  States.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he  doesn’t wear pants.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are  registered blood donors.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for  pleasure.

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be  39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the  length of a normal human’s neck.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough  gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually  turn white.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would  have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their  bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than  all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

No word in the English language rhymes with  month.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do  death.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because  cotton growers in the ’30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as  competition.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or  older.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose  and ears never stop growing.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer  than left-handed people do.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Starfish haven’t got brains.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left  hand.

The ant always falls over on its right side when  intoxicated.

The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at  night.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches  for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is  attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head  off.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name Wendy was made up for the book “Peter  Pan.”

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many  bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia  still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and  whites.

The sentence, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy  dog” uses every letter in the English language.

The shortest battle in history was between Zanzibar and  England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being  able to remember the word you want.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United  States.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the  letters on only one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than  by a poisonous spider.

You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.

You share your birthday with at least nine million other  people in the world.

the (very) best of engrish

9 May 2008

We haven’t posted for weeks, so here’s a killer post:

(thanks to all those who sent the links! you were amazing.)

confusing english

20 November 2007

This is terrible…

  1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
  3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
  4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
  5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
  8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
  9. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
  10. If you’re not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?
  11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
  12. If working hours are meant for working, then WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?
    GET BACK TO WORK!

– Sent by anonymous –

why can’t people from all over the world speak english?

1 October 2006

If you’ve learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
Pursue at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

  1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2. The farm was used to produce produce.
  3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  10. I did not object to the object.
  11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  13. They were too close to the door to close it.
  14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France (surprise!).

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose two geese, so one moose, two meese? Doesn’t it seem crazy, that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

P.S. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Reader Additions

mic PhedUSA: Why do we drive in parkways, and park in drive ways?
Heinz: If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests?

——-

star Reader’s Choice!

Like this joke? Here’s another one!


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